Thursday, April 29, 2010

Gotcha sucka!

me: "Hello, Fece speaking"
co-worker: "Hi Fece, I was wondering if you could help me with something.  Do you know who the contact person would be for negotiating site contracts?"
me: "Hmm.. I'm guessing Carol?"
co-worker: "Oh ok.. thanks.  You know what, do you think you could reach out to Carol and...?"


About 3 out of 5 phone calls that I receive from this person happen just like this.  It usually starts out as a simple inquiry, then it becomes a trap.  But I don't think this is a superiority issue.  This co-worker and I are supposed to be considered equals on the hierarchy (although her job function is more involved than mine so I would understand if she felt she was higher on the chain).  I think it's just a matter social etiquette.  I mean you just can't set people up like that maaannn.  If you have a question, I can give you guidance but in the end you gotta handle your own business.  And I don't even know the background of the issue!  What am I gonna say to Carol once I contact her??

And what's worse?  She's actually a nice person, which makes it even harder to correct... for me anyways.  I never liked correcting people, ESPECIALLY when they take it well.  It just makes me feel bad afterward.  It's like once they concede, I instantly absorb their embarrassment and then I start apologizing.  Aye... but one of these days, I need to figure out a nice way to say "do it yourself".  In the mean time, I'll continue to take it and just vent about it on my blog like a good passive-aggressive Asian

*note - in order to protect the privacy of those involved, the names and events have been changed.  All except Fece.. that's my real name

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Small Talkin'

If there was ever a piece of advice that I could offer to the younger generation, it would be to strongly consider your career path while you're young.  Not because it'll earn you more money, but mainly because it will make small talk much easier.

As long as I've been an adult, I don't think I've ever had a conversation with someone that didn't involve my job.  You'll see, once you reach about 21-22, every conversation with each new person you meet will start like this:

stranger: "Hi, I'm _____"
me: "Nice to meet you, I'm Fece"
stranger: "Hi Fece.  So... what do you do?"

Sure it doesn't sound so bad but trust me, after the 400th time it starts to get annoying.  Lately I've been keeping time in my head, seeing how long it takes for this question to come up.  For me, I'll use it as a crutch if there's nothing else but most others will whip it out from the get go.  Now I don't have a bad job, but it's just hard to explain to people who don't know what it is.  It's nothing common like a doctor, lawyer, teacher... so most of the time I end up trying to explain it until the other person just gives up and nods.  Sometimes they yawn too, which is hilarious.

Why do we do this to ourselves??  I feel like I'm being judged by what I do for a living, with my approval rating slowly sinking as each word flies over their heads.  Shoot, I'm more bored than they are and I'm the one talking.  There's gotta be a better route to friendship.  Maybe we could try something different like, "Nice to meet you, I'm Fece. What is your biggest regret in life?".  I think you would get a lot more out of someone that way

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Dun Dun, Dun D-Dun...

The interesting parts of my day usually occur within the first 2 hours of it.  As much as I dislike public transportation, I know that it can also be quite entertaining.

Usually when I get into the train station, there's a 7 train docked and ready to go.  It's just a matter of "will I swipe my MetroCard in time to catch it?"  Sometimes it gets dramatic with the door-closing chime sounding as "Please Swipe Again" repeatedly flashes on the turnstile.  Exciting stuff.  

This morning was one of those relatively easy days where I made it on time and even got a seat to boot.  Shortly after, the chime went off.  As the door started to close, a 30-something year old woman made a sprint for the car.  Knowing that she was much too far to make it, she reached out and barely got her book in to stop the door.  I thought, “There goes the book.”  It was a thin soft cover… probably just thick enough to trip the sensors and hold the train up.  Still, I was kind of hoping to see the train leave the station with the book lodged between the doors, pages turning in the passing wind.  Well, give this lady credit for being determined because she wasn’t going down without a fight.  She wedged her fingers through the small gap and, just like the T1000 at the elevator, began to pry at that door.  I felt like John Connor cowering in the corner as Arnold the train conductor fought to defend me from this menace.  Just as she was starting to create some space, the conductor did the classic fake out move of opening and rapidly closing the door.  In that split second of false hope, she tried to lunge into the car only to have her head jostled by the rubber of the colliding doors.  I swear that all happened in slow motion it was so awesome.  I mean it was sad at first but once I saw she wasn’t seriously hurt, I might’ve chuckled a little.  (Or sympathized… depending on how you’re judging me right now)

Despite absorbing the near fatal blow, she somehow managed to keep an arm wedged in there.  This lady was in it to win it.  Thankfully for her, backup arrived as a busload of passengers stormed in from behind to overtake the door.  Holding her head, she rushed in and took her spot leaning against the opposite door, celebrating the victory of a battle well fought. 

I am glad she made it though.  She certainly deserved it after all the effort she put in.  It's embarrassing enough to have the whole car watching you struggle as they try to decide whether to help or to continue being annoyed at the delay you're causing.  Actually, one can say that your true colors show in these moments.  A moral fork in the road if you will.  I'm just making stuff up.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Patent Pending

My nieces from Ohio are over visiting this weekend.  I like when they come over because they're like my little best friends.  But the main reason why I like them is because they'll try anything... meaning any cockamamie food contraption that pops into my head.  Last year, we had the "burger hero", which was ground beef rolled into the length of a hero, Foreman Grilled (which tastes better than using a skillet, trust me), and then placed in a garlic buttered Italian loaf.  Mmm.. I still get reflux thinking about it.

Just like last year, my new creation isn't necessarily something revolutionary, but more like a remix of classic foods.  You can say I'm like P. Diddy in the kitchen... or Timbaland for you younger folks... or for you even younger folks, DJ McFetus.  So anyway, this year's creation is tentatively called the "S'more Dog" (patent pending).  I thought it would be hilarious to make a hot dog but using a banana in place of meat.  Most of my creations stem from my desire to make something funny.  I'm a comedian in the kitchen, you see.  I'm kinda like the Richard Pryor of... 

I took some pictures of the creation process not because I planned on making this "how to" guide, but more so because I wanted to take full credit of this quasi-invention before anyone else did and we all know that blogs are admissible evidence in patent infringement cases.  Actually, that may not be true but at least this'll gimme some street cred.

First, take a hot dog bun and toast it:
random junk optional

Then comes the goodness.  Cover one side of the bun with Nutella, the other with Marshmallow Fluff.


Next, take a banana and slice it in half the long way and wedge it in between the Nutella and Fluff. 

 hold on Reddi Wip, I'll get to ya..

Lastly, top it off with some whipped cream and you will instantly be the most popular kid in school.

Hey get that banana peel outta here!

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for what happens to you or your teeth from this point forward.